Monday, June 30, 2008

Thursday, June 12, 2008

New Study Reveals 2 in 5 People Love Dancing Cat Videos or Love Someone Who Loves Dancing Cat Videos

BOWLING GREEN, Ohio -- A new study reveals two in five people love dancing cat videos or love someone who loves dancing cat videos. A group of research sociologists at The University of Bowling Green State Ohio College University (go RedCups!) have just completed the two-and-a-half-day long survey of most every human on the planet. "We missed a few people in Bangladesh and St. Augustine, Florida because our dial-up connection was screwballs, but we answered for them as accurately as possible," says Dr. Robert Bob. Survey takers were asked questions such as: Do you love dancing cat videos? Do you know someone that loves dancing cat videos? Am I doing it too hard? The results will be published in an article coming out this July in the Yale Journal of Sociology.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

I Haven't Posted in Twelve Years Yet I Decide to Share Some Very Personal Things, or, Julia Cohen Tagged Me

What were you doing five years ago?

1.) Slinging tater tots at Grill
2.) Hanging clothes out on the line in the backyard of the cutest house I will ever live in
3.) Writing this poem
4.) Sweating

What are five things (in no particular order) on your to-do list for today?

1.) Get Tito Ortiz to sign my book
2.) Call Ron Miller
3.) Eat dinner (hopefully hamburgers) with mk
4.) Try not to cut my own hair

What are five snacks you enjoy?

1.) Pork
2.) Beef Jerky
3.) Hamburgers
4.) Bacon

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?

1.) Give money to mk to invent a gun that shoots money
2.) Give money to Cheryl to start some crazy ass school that teaches critical thinking
3.) Buy my mother everything she wants
4.) Learn to surf standing up
5.) Renounce my wealth

What are five of your bad habits?

1.) Thinking I'm still playing GTA4 when I walk down the street
2.) Watching shit ass TV instead of writing shit ass poems about TV
3.) Worrying I'm not worrying enough
4.) Thinking I only have four bad habits

What are five places you have lived?

1.) In a shack in Church Hill, Richmond, VA
2.) In a shack in Brooklyn
3.) In a shack in Fredericksburg, VA
4.) In a shack in Tucson, AZ
5.) In a shack in Alexandria, VA

What are five jobs you have had?

1.) Waitress at Denny's, graveyard shift
2.) Under quota bookseller at Waldenbooks
3.) Uncomfortable cashier at community pool

4.) Incompetent Richmond dishwasher
5.) Cataloger

Which five people do you want to tag?

1.) Ron Silliman
2.) Mark Horosky
3.) Marjorie Wine
4.) Jennifer Bartlett
5.) Ann Fine